Welcome back Carter: Swine Flu and you

Via Instapundit:

Everything old is new again. Obama/Carter. Swine flu/Swine flu

Here’s the list I have compiled of possible Swine Flu symptoms this morning:

1. An uncontrollable urge to build homes out of straw.
2. An unexplained need to whistle, “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf”.
3. The feeling you just saw a relative being tossed down the field at an NFL game.
4. You now consider pork rinds cannibalism.
5. You find that “Charlotte’s Web”, is not sad, but rather a story of redemption, hope, and salvation.
6. You now consider “spiral cut ham” cruel and unusual punishment.
7. You begin ordering BLTs with just the L and the T.
8. You find yourself at night prostrate on your dining room table with fruit in your mouth.
9. When you hear the term, “pickled pigs feet” you get the sudden urge to go shoe shopping.
10. Hearing Don Ho’s, “Tiny Bubbles” gives you hot flashes.
11. Being covered in honey is no longer kinky, but rather worrisome.
12. When someone calls you “fat pig” you expect a blue ribbon.
13. Miss Piggy is all you fantasize about.
14. You think Piggly Wiggly is haute couture and not a grocery store.
15. Mud baths become a daily necessity and are no longer considered pampering.

and the most terrifying symptom you may have swine flu….

16. You have the urge to run for Congress.

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